


Hard To Tell

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-09-05
Updated: 2006-09-05
Packaged: 2018-10-26 10:20:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10784895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: A nasty Live Journal ChallengeR/Hr smut and/or semi smut that does NOT....include the words 'bloody hell,' 'honestly, Ronald,' does not make mention of chocolate eyes, freckles, blue eyes, Quidditch, nobility, the Burrow, Hogwarts, Harry, Horcruxes OR Viktor Krum.You can make one and only one mention of Lavender Brown but it has to be something nice said about her that doesn't make Hermione jealous.You must include the following:"She didn't know how to tell him it wasn't big, not in the least bit impressive and not at all hard."Oh and the Pgymy Puff tattoo was NOT on Ron's bum...where was it?





	Hard To Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

She didn't know how to tell him it wasn't big, not in the least bit impressive and not at all hard.

It probably didn’t matter though because it was extremely doubtful that Ron would remember anything in the morning.

Luckily Ron had restrained his exhibitionist streak until they had got him home. Still he had given her mother an eyeful.

It was a good thing that she too was a heathcare professional concerned with his physical well being. (That she was also a woman dying to become a grandmother was of course secondary)

He had been so sweet though, insisting that her father attend to his chipped tooth, rather than resorting magical intervention.

How were they to know?

Ron was a human being. 

Hermione blushed. 

She had proven that adequately enough to herself.

Ron was a man. 

Very most definitely a man.

Even in his current state there was no denying that.

How was anybody to know that his pure magical bloodline deviated just enough from the norm to produce an extreme reaction to the common anesthetic.

_“Not common.” The Emergency Room doctor had said. “But I’d seen it before in his sort.”_

_“His sort?” Hermione had asked indignantly._

_“Red Heads.” The physician had replied. “This reaction commonly occurs with certain Irish and Scottish lineages.”_

_“Good to know.” Her father had said. “He has siblings.”_

_“Now that!” Said the attractive ER nurse that reminded Hermione of the equally attractive Lavender Brown as she winked at Hermione. “Is good to know.”_

_That’s when the blasted tattoo moved. It always moved of course, the pigmy puff migrating about his body everywhere except his face and hands, becoming more animated as Ron became more excited._

_Hermione remember well the first time she and Ron had made love, the tattoo had…_

_Hermione shook her head clear, no time for fond memories. The blasted thing should have been as lethargic as Ron was. Just as well she had a wandless spell up her sleeve designed for just such an eventuality._

_They had eventually decided that there was no immediate danger, and that letting the drug simply run it’s course through his system was the safest solution._

_So they had brought him home, but once they got into the garden..._

Ron stirred.

“Love.”

“Yes Ron.”

“Did I flash your mum?”

“Yes.”

Ron sat up groaning. 

“Oh bollocks! She must think I’m some sort of pervert.”

“I wouldn’t worry.” Hermione replied. “It wasn't big, not in the least bit impressive and not at all hard.”

Hermione smiled at her husbands expression. 

To think she hadn’t known how to tell him.


End file.
